When I was away from the Church and not practicing any kind
of religion, one of the things that I loved to pontificate on was the fact that
so many Christians were holding themselves to the standard set by Jesus. I
scoffed that it was impossible, and that Christians should focus on the
actuality that Jesus was human and not just God. While I recognized that it was
an ideal to strive for, I saw it as just an ideal. As I have come back to the
Church, it’s still something that I struggle with in a way. In fact, Jesus is
something I struggle with. Okay, I know that sounds weird, and it could be that
I have a weird association with Him. I think of Him in a few ways: the goofy
high-school counselor who just wants to hug it out; the hippy-dippy goody
two-shoes always telling us to love one another; the source of all those
obnoxious televangelists who apparently is waiting for me somewhere in the
ether, promising me health and happiness and anything my heart desires as long
as I donate now. I never had these problems with God, and certainly not with
Mary or any single Saint (well, St. Therese a little bit.) Don’t get me wrong,
I never questioned the reality of Jesus or what He did, but more the idea of him. I think it’s Jesus’ dual
nature that gives me the hang-up. Sure, it’s easy to be a nice person and turn
the other cheek when you’re also God and perfected in nature. As mush as I didn’t
like people focusing on just His divine nature, I had the hardest time thinking
of Him as being human in any way. And so, I just sort of distanced myself from
thinking about Him at all.
Lately, though, I have found myself really focusing on a
couple of things about Jesus.
I always find myself feeling really bad for Jesus during the
Agony of the Garden. It’s so sad to think that He asked His friends to stay
awake with Him and they couldn’t even do it. Granted, they probably had no idea
what was about to happen, but He did. He needed support and not one person
could give that to Him. How many times have you spent a sleepless night,
worrying about something you knew was going to happen? And that something is
never, ever a brutal death by execution. I think the thing that gets me here is
that Jesus shows Himself as a flawed human, even if just for a moment. He actually
asks God the Father to take the fate away from Him, if it’s possible. Jesus
knew that He was the Son of God. He knew that He was not going to die, and that
many of the people who doubted Him would believe. But He was still scared. It
seems to me that at that moment, Jesus had a hard time trusting that His Father
would provide, would protect. This seems more poignant at Lent, knowing that
Jesus was about to go out and die for me, someone who wanted to ignore him.
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| totally inappropriate- yet somehow fitting |
This passage is where the Catholic notion of a holy hour
comes from. We are asked to spend at least an hour with the Blessed Sacrament—Jesus.
I heard something on the radio not too long ago from Fr. Antoine Thomas who
teaches children to go to adoration. He told a little girl who was about to
make her first Communion that she should spend time in adoration. He said that
she should ask her parents to take her because Jesus was lonely. Again, a human
emotion for someone who I previously wanted to think of as human, but just couldn’t.
It hit me all of a sudden though, when I heard it. I thought about the state of
the Faith across the country. I thought about how our Cathedral in Denver
